Celebrity, News

Lindsay Lohan Has Been Drinking Again, but This Time She Has OutClassed America

The children who work in the L.A. Country Probation Department are making a fuss over a little tea that was ingested by everybody’s favorite cokehead, Lindsay Lohan. Lohan confessed to her probation officer that she was drinking Kombucha tea. Kombucha tea has an alcohol content of 0.5% or less.

The L.A. County Probation Department have added this tea drinking offense of Lohan’s to their list of reasons why Lohan should be sent to jail. Apparently Lindsay was so bold that she left one of her alcohol education classes holding a bottle of Kombucha tea. (Read TMZ’s report).

Why was she so bold to drink Kombucha tea during her alcohol ed class? Because it’s tea, folks! Who in their right mind would consider drinking tea an offense? America has been outclassed by Lindsay Lohan, and that isn’t saying much for America, nor is it complimenting the L.A. County Probation Department. If Lohan acts like a snotty, out of control teenager, the Probes are acting like fat, over-privileged children from Westwood.

America has been outclassed by Lohan in the sense that America does not appreciate fine tea. America cannot make an exception (although there is hardly an opportunity in this matter for making an exception because the offense by Lohan is so negligible) for good tea. America has no class. Usually, like 999 out of 1000 times, neither does Lohan.

Yes, Lindsay Lohan has problems with alcohol. Yes, Lohan is dangerously dependent on drugs. Yes, drinking alcohol violates her probation code. But when does America, and America’s officials look at a situation and decide that, no, this isn’t actually a breach of code? When should America’s officials refrain from being bureaucratic robots and turn into human beings for a minute, just to assess the situation at hand?

It’s tea! It’s Kombucha tea! Lindsay Lohan can drink tea, even if there is a possibility of a 0.5% or less alcohol level. If she’s spiking that tea with vodka, and then going to Hollywood parties wearing a skirt with no underwear beneath, then, L.A. Country Probation Dept., you’ve got a problem.

I’m not even a fan of Lohan. Read this, I’ll prove it. But in this case, when it comes down to who’s being classier, I will fully support Lindsay.